Wednesday 11th December 2013

Where were we?

Oh yes, life stuff.

To begin with, Nan is suffering a relapse and there is the feeling that this is the final slide towards the end. She is too weak to get around much and so stays in bed pretty much most of the day. We went to see her today, she is pale, almost paler than the sheets she is laying between, hardly creating a bump in the bedding she seems so thin now. She now need pretty much 24 hour care, and so Tony is investigating care homes in the area. However, it a trial as so many have closed and those that are open are full.

and then there is the money. If she has too much then she will have to pay until her savings are eaten up, or if she has too little then she has to apply, be assessed. Be reassessed. and assessed again. It goes on and on. It feels there is little dignity, and trying to explain to someone who lies there wanting to be a rest and yet scared at the thought of the visit by the dark angel.

I guess for most of us, death comes unexpected, and so we have not given it much thought, but when you are 99, and have all day to think about these things, and maybe have been thinking these thoughts for years, his grip must seem very close now. And yet she says she wants to have it ended, but still she fights, is eating more and found the strength to watch the football last night.

We all wait.

Mum is not yet in hospital, but will be at the weekend as she has to go in for tests. She has been unwell for over two months now and is clearly getting fatigued by it all. The doctor seems to think there might be a problem with her kidneys; we shall know next week I guess. She has perked up some now that she has a date for the tests and hope that something can be done.

There doesn't seem to be enough time in the evenings to get stuff done. We have promised to trim up this year. This involves going into the attic for the tree. We have set aside Saturday for that task. As it it 14 days today until the big day. Christmas has crept up on us again this year, but this year it seems worse. All of our intent on getting family gifts this year has failed. We have no idea what to get people. Maybe its chocolates all round? Could be worse I s'pose.

For the next two days I have a first aid course in Folkestone. Late starts and long lunches, maybe. And then a long weekend too? We shall see. We shall see.