Mum update

Those of you who have read my words for some years know that there are issues between my Mother and I, but this is even more fundamental.

Last September Mum had another heart attack, and as a result had a cardiac artery graft, called a cabbage, in I con't remember, some of the main blood supply arteries to her heart.

The surgery nurse at Papworth told me that once the operation was done and Mum was back at home, she would have a greatly improved quality of life. So, the operation and recovery would be worth it.

Only, once back at James Paget, her therapist said that Mum would only do what was required to keep the staff happy, nothing more; Which did disappoint her. And me.

In December she was released and a temporary care package was set up; people came in three times a day to change dressings, prepare food and so on. On top of Sheila who still called twice a day to tidy the house and do chores.

We are now in July and Mum still has people coming round three times a day to prepare food. Only, she doesn't need it, as she gets the food out of the freezer, puts the food in the oven, gets plate and cutlery out and all the person who comes round has to do, is to dish it up and take to Mum in her chair. Turns out Mum likes someone to talk to three times a day, and so is paying £27 a day to have people come round so she has someone to talk to.

And despite having the operation and the potential improvement in her life, she walks less, moves less than she did before her heart attack. She just watches different TV shows now.

I have spent 20 years trying to get mUm to change, and she hasn't. If two heart attacks don't make you change course, then nothing will.

We speak each Sunday night, stilted conversations that last no more than three or four minutes; she does nothing, except once a week her friend's daughter takes her into town so they have lunch out. She has little interest in what we do, I had hoped that seeing the orchid segment on Gardener's World would make her see what makes me tick, understand and see some of the fabulous places we see. But no.

So, I have decided that I am not going to play these games any more, and said that the weekly calls will stop and we will only call if there is news. She thought I was joking. No.

If Mum wants to live her life that was, she has earned the right to do so, does not mean, however, that I have to agree and play along.

Like Brexit, I would love not to have to think about Mother dearest again, and could just concentrate on our lives filling up our days with wonderful experiences.

Many people have lost their parents, Jools has lost both, and I will lose Mum at some point to. I will regret nothing.