Monday 30th September 2024

20th August 2024

It is 15 days now since I formally asked for a transfer, I have received no feedback on that. Planning on audits into Q4 with me as lead auditor are continuing.

I returned to work on Monday after a week off through stress. I don’t know what I was expecting, but hoping for a meeting as to how I felt and how my stress levels were and what could be done to minimize them. Instead it was business as usual, send mails out, reports out, etc, etc. A message on Teams, I don’t think was enough.

Everything in work is now a battle: with my manager, with auditees, with functions, and to be honest, I’m worn out with fighting. I just want to see out my time delivering improvement and making Vestas the best it can be. In light of the fight and stress as part of the Baltic Power audit with Global Sales, I don’t believe it is wise for me to participate in the following audit.

My report writing and now decision making on how to report on audits, as a lead auditor of some 12 years is now being questioned. I know my reporting wasn’t good enough, point taken and I believe I have improved. The decision to report on a series of audits within a product and sub-module (6 audit sessions) and to report them via 6 separate reports, and a seventh for systematic findings was agreed with the Single Point of Contact and my manager CC on the mail. I say now, as I said in my last 1:1, the department needs an auditor it can trust, and that certainly isn’t me. We all suffer from imposter syndrome to come extent, and the past four months has not helped.

6th September 2024

I was accused of insubordination, when as Lead Auditor for the recent audit, I did not obey Suneeti’s request that I don’t have findings (NCRs, Observations, Improvements) in the conclusion. I ignored her as I believed, correctly, as Lead Auditor, it is my responsibility on how to report on the audit.

There is no issue with Suneeti, she does not need to change, it is all my inability to accept constructive criticism when given.

Apparently.

She has multiple examples of my poor work and negative comments.

Refused to accept that there is a wider issue within the department.

Monday: a new dawn.

Actual rain falling from the sky, though from what we hear there was plenty when we were away.

But rain before we got up, and rain through most of the day, meaning the cats did not want to go outside.

For me, it is the start of a new era, my manager was let go suddenly, and so there isn't that war front to deal with now. Although there was to be a department meeting after lunch to explain things.

Or not, as it turned out.

I wish no one to lose their jobs, and I am really quite sad that events turned the way they have. Our manager came to us with huge experience, and we hoped with ideas to improve the department and company.

It took a year for her to be found, so it is possible that for the last 11 months of my working life I will have no manager as such.

So it goes.

So, I could log on at seven, and not fear meetings or calls. There was the matter for pretty much two months mails to read and file, to make sure I missed nothing, and to get my job back under control.

Before then there was talks with colleagues as we reflected on the events of the past few days, and the fact none of us were going to have to look for new jobs or resign.

Meanwhile the rain hammered down and turned morning back into night.

Oh yes, I got up at quarter to six as normal, and before the trip it was daylight then, On Monday it was dark. Dark and raining, and took half an hour for dawn to begin to show.

Winter is coming.

Autumn is here.

I have to find documents, which means reviewing e mails going back to the beginning of October last year, so that will take several hours.

And so with cats sleeping, and the radio burbling quietly, the day passes into afternoon and the rain eases, clouds thin, though there is no sunshine.

With Jools splashing in the evening, I made some halloumi and chipotle spiced bread with supper, made with some of the new spice sourced online.

Turns out that packed a punch, but once Jools was back from the pool, we cracked open some wine/cider, cut the now cool bread and ate well.