Friday 1st November 2019

All Saint's Day.

Public Holiday (Germany)

And thanks to my late night reading of the Secret Commonwealth, I was still asleep when Jools was getting ready for work at quarter to seven. She shook me awake and told me she was leaving.

She was going to go to an interview for a new job after work, so I wished her good luck. And as I was giving my first orchid talk later that day too, she also wished me luck.

By the time I was up and about, there was just 45 minutes before I was due to start work, so I make a second coffee as the first one was just luke warm.

And I am firing on two or three cylinders by eight. Not quite top of my form, but getting there.

You know.

And as a treat, I had another webinar to sit through, that after the four hour on on Thursday, and now 90 more minutes.

So, after the end of week admin, I settle down with a fresh cuppa to sit and take part in the online training. Not as bad as I made out, but another hour out of what was already a short day, running out of time to get things done.

I am all done, just about by midday, switch off the laptop, make lunch and wait for my glamourous assistant, Gary to come round.

I had volunteered to give an orchid talk to our local garden association, and due to illness of the booked speaker the date had been brought forward by two months. Which meant that through the holiday, I wrote most of the words. Finished that over three nights this week, then sorted out the photographs, put it all on a Powerpoint presentation.



Gary brought a projector, which we tried out with my laptop in the house, before we drove over to the village hall.



A low sea mist had come in, and it was a cold, dank day, which might make people stay at home, or want to come and sit in the hall to listen to me.

We just didn't know.

I set up the projector and laptop, we made sure the image was focused on the wall, then stood and waited to see how many people came. They ran out of chairs.

The chairwoman called the meeting to order, then introduced me.

I coughed and said: "Hello. My name is Ian. And I do orchids. I could stop, if I wanted.

But of course, I can’t.

Why can’t I stop, and how did a sane person get to this state of mania?

Well, it all began on a windy day later winter’s day over a decade ago, when a comment by someone from the National Trust, standing in the shadow of South Foreland Light, he said in a few weeks there will be hundreds of Early Spider Orchids to be seen on the cliff edge between here and Dover.

Orchids? In Kent? On the cliffs?

Yes to all three.

Life got in the way, so a couple of years later, I decided to go to look for the Early Spiders. Instead of going to South Foreland, I Googled said orchid and it stated that the best site for them, in England, was Samphire Hoe.

So, we went to Samphire Hoe, I got my camera and macro lens out of the boot, and as I walked to the visitor centre, another photographer was coming towards me:

“Looking for the orchids?”

I was. So he said to follow the path, and they are growing on both sides, look hard and you’ll see many.

“If you like these”, he said. “In a few weeks got to Park Gate Down to see the Monkeys.”

We did better than that, after leaving Samphire Hoe, we went straight to the Elham Valley and found the reserve, though there was nothing to see then, there would be in a few weeks.

At Samphire Hoe, we walked slowly, heads down, as opposed to the twitchers who walk with heads up looking at the cliffs. Then, a flash of purple/maroon and the first tiny spike was revealed. Once we had seen one, we saw others. Many others, as this was the peak weekend for the ESO.

Soon, more would show in three distinct seasons: Early, main and late.

I could not get enough already.

The season: Depending on the year and weather conditions, the first flowering spike can appear from the end of March to anywhere as late as the first week of May. In east Kent over the last decade this is the spread we have seen. The early season usually ends at the first week of May when the main season begins, with an avalanche of species at numerous locations beginning to flower, and that lasts into June, then the late season begins, and that is the time of the helleborines.

More of those later.

I have seen 27 Kentish orchid species, a friend of mine has seen a 28th, but of that I have no pictures, and it has failed to re-appear in the last two seasons. A recent book on Kentish orchids says that 37 species have been recorded over the centuries in the county. Some of those have been extinct for more than a hundred years, but others, like the Frog Orchid, disappeared in the last 30 or so years."

And so on. And on.

I went on to describe the four Kentish genus, then went on to show and describe each of the 25 species in turn, and ending with some words on the named variations, and shots of the know and guessed hybrids.

I had rambled on for 65 minutes.

They even applauded at the end. Was it relief?

There was a dash to the serving hatch for tea and cake. The chairwoman brought Gary and I a cuppa and a cookie.

And it was done.

We cleared up, Gary dropped me back home. I packed up, and buttered some bread and made sure the kettle had boiled, as Jools was collecting fish and chips on the way home from the interview.

She did well. I did well.

We tucked into the fish and chips, still nice and crispy and smothered in salt and vinegar.

Lovely.

We watch an old episode of Gardener's World, and I retire to bed to complete The Secret Commonwealth, finishing that at half eleven, with the sound of heavy rain hammering against the beck of the house.

Scully was very happy snuggled up to me.