Tuesday 28th June 2022

There are somewhere between 50 and 60 native orchid species in the UK.

I say it like that because as genetic sequencing is used, what was once a separate species becomes a sub-species of something else.

And then with the availabilty of orchid plants and seeds on the net, the "chance" discovery of more and more exotic species becomes ever more likely.

Of the top of my head, these are the species I have yet to see.

1. Narrow Lipped Helleborine 2. Creeping Lady's Tresses 3. Irish Lady's Tresses 4. Lesser Twayblade 5. Coralroot 6. Bog Orchid 7. Irish Spotted Orchid 8. Small White Orchid 9. Dense Flowered Orchid (though seen on Rhodes) 10. Dune Helleborine (though seen both Tyne and Lindisfarne(though the latter was a separate species in 2014)) 11. Ghost Orchid. (of course) 12. Pugsley's Marsh orchid

And until yesterday, Red Helleborine.

Some are rare due to geographical location limitations, and some are low in actual numbers, some, both. The Ghost I probably won't see, but of the others, the blandly names Small White Orchid might prove to be the most difficut.

The Red Helleborine was never that common, but since the war its best sites have been built on, and what sites are left have at times poorly managed. Most years less than five plants flower, some years just one. So, the chance to see one of the sites, and as it turns out the only one with flowering spikes this (and last) year was too good to turn down, and after the hours put in last week, I thought I would claw some back this week by taking Tuesday off.

It would mean having the car all day, and driving to the Chilterns and back in one day, but what the heck? THe trip was arranged by the Hardy Orchid Society, I put my name down and was accepted.

We were up at five, Jools made drinks and then had a shower, I dragged my body out of bed, got dressed and got all my shit together.

We left at quarter to six, me dropping Jools off on Hythe seafront, and then heading back to the motorway before taking the M25 south round London. I knew it would be tough, but I had four and a half hours for a two and a half hour drive.

Should have been enough.

I won't lie, travelling along the M25 and then round the M25 is not pleasant. Even in glorious sunshine. Traffic was stop/start for over an hour, and then the sat nav declared that the motorway ahead was closed.

I said to the sat nav, if that were true, I'm sure the matrix signs would have mentioned it.

The motorway is cloed, it said.

Again.

So it came to pass that I was travelling at between 60 and 70mph along what the car told me was a closed motorway. So, I had no estimated time for arrival, only that the alternative routes were to take much longer than I had.

So, once the car agreed with me that the motorwa wasn't closed after all, and with the expected delays taken into account, I would still get to the site with an hour to spare.

Good news.

It was great to turn off the M25 at the junction after Heathrow, head to Oxford, but have enough time to be able to stop at High Wycombe services for a comfort break, then call in at Greggs for not one, but two sausage rolls for second breakfast.

I was boosted by their energy for the last half an hour drive to a lay by in a wood, where the warden was already waiting.

As time went on, more and more cars arrived, so soon over a dozen folks had arrived, and at half ten we had our brief and we walked into the woods.

Because there was a clay pigeon shoot on at the landowner's estate, it was like being in a warzone, but walking carefully down the chalk slope through dense woodland, we came to a stockade, and on the other side were two weedy looking spikes with glorious spink flowers.

Red Helleborines.

We took turns to take shots, some took a few, other apparently took hundreds.

I suppose I should mention I was recognised by the organiser, Richard, and a couple who asked: did we meet at Homefield Wood where you pointed out orchids we should look at?

Yes, that was me.

And another couple when I said I bumped into a friend of us both at Goring railway satation on the way to Hartstock, they said they were in the minibus waiting for their driver, Duncan, to take them somewhere else.

Small world.

Is the orchid world.

After 90 minutes we were done, so we walked back to our cars, and with it being after midday, I knew I had to make tracks to head back to Kent.

So, programmed the sat nav for home, and away I zoomed.

I had no idea what the traffic would be, but the matrix signs told me the souther way round would be delayed by an hour at least, so I went clockwise round via the Ma, A1, M11 and A12 to Dartford.

THere were no delays, and arrived at the bridge in good time. So the plan then was to call in at The Larches to check on the Broad Leaved Helleborines. Dashing down the M20 then up Detling Hill, turning off onto Pilgrim's Way, parking at the side of the road.

The site was very dry indeed, and I found just one spike in the whole of the large clearing, none under the two lonely trees at the top, nor between them and the path beside the wood.

Along the path I found maybe a dozen spikes of good size, about two weeks from flowering. PLenty of Ringlets about too, but none settled long enough for me to take shots. So, having looked for the orchids, I walked back to the car, and with over two hours to kill before I had to pick up Jools, I thought I would go to Hothfield to look at the Heath Spotted Orchids again, and at the Keeled Skimmers which I knew now was their only Kent site.

I was hot and hungry, but told myself I would call in at a garage once I had these last shots for some pop and crisps, so was happy to park on the main road, grab the camera and set off through the wood.

Into the fenced off area, and the overgrown birch was even worse than in May when I was here last, though there were a few Heath Spotted spikes, not as numerous as in previous years.

But onto the boardwalk I stood for over half an hour watching the Keeled Skimmers flying, baking, mating, egg laying. It was like an air show, and wonderful.

A lady came to see what I was taking shots off, and she pointed out the orchids gowing in the dried out mud.

I see those too at Blean Woods, she said.

No you didn't, I said as nicely as I could.

I then pointed out the difference between CSO and HSO, the lip shape, patterns and PH of the ground, and she was amazed. As she was at the dragonflies too.

I had my shots of orchids and dragons, so walked back up the hill to the car park, then drove to the main road and down to the garage where I filled the car and bought a bottle of lemon Fanta and two bags of paprika crisps. Which I ate driving into Ashford, then along the M20 driving to Hythe.

I was an hour early, and I had toyed with the idea of going to a pub, but decent ones are thinon the ground in Hythe, so I sat on the prom for half an hour, looking at the sea and the slight waves lapping at the stony beach, while teens swore at each other in what they though was a really funny and grown up way.

I drove to the factory and waited for knocking off time, the hooter went and they all came tumbling out, I picked Jools up, and we drove throught he town and up and over the down to junction onto the motorway, then back home.

Phew, what a long and tiring day.

Home I warm up some pasta sauce, heat some gnochi, and within ten minutes we were sitting down to eat.

Not great, but good enough.

I even resited the lure of wine. Oh no I didn't. I had three glasses. It was the night before I had squash.