Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

Well, you're gone.

I've been meaning to tel you a few things, know its too late now, but still.

First up, I got a tattoo.

In fact, I got two tattoos. Like 14 years ago. On the top of each arm. I like them, but never told you.

Sorry.

I gives me no pleasure, really, to be proven right. The house was going to kill you. That or your lifestyle. One thing I didn't get was how ill you really had made yourself. You liked to call me a "fucking know-it-all", guess I am. But even after all we went through, still wish you were here.

And you could still have changed.

But, leopards and liars never change their spots.

I spoke to Pat, the person you said you had apologised to for lying to in relation to your smoking. She said you had never said any such thing.

Another lie.

Not that I believed you in the first place, but your lies did hurt people, and pushed people away.

We gave you a good send off. Some truths were said, others hinted to. I think it went down well. Everyone said you would have loved to have met everyone at the Wherry afterwards.

Thing is, you could have seen all those folks, most lived within a two minute walk of the house. Many had not seen you for 20 years.

Your loss.

Really, your loss. But then, they remembered you as you were, as you were when Dad died and before. Not who you chose to become.

Anyway, as I said, you worked, paid your taxes, paid the mortgage, so you could live your life however you wanted. No one could stop you.

So, your life ended, earlier than it should. And, life goes one.

We will say goodbye to you next month when you are laid next to Dad. I hope you get to spend eternity apologising to him for what you did.

Still, sleep well. Be at peace, and I hope you found what you were looking for.