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Thursday 16th November 2006

On Tuesday, I went to the city for some retail therapy; I mainly bought some Christmas presents for friends, and just wandered around with Pat. In the afternoon, we went to see The Prestige; which was just wonderful. It recounts a tail about two rival magicians, and what they did to try to outdo each other, and rubbish each others acts. The film looked wonderful, and the film mirrored the three parts of a trick itself described. The leads, Christian bales and Hugh Jackman were great, with able support from Michael Caine playing himself again, as a trick designer. Scarlet Johanson played a slinky assistant, and they weaved a well crafted story that brought jealousy and envy into play, and the dark roads that they can lead. David Bowie played, well, himself, doing an odd accent, kinda like the one Pete Pothelthwite (sp?) did in the Usual Suspects an an electrical genius called Tesla, and gollum, sorry Andy Surkis played his assistant. And the film ended in two great twists, and was as wonderful as the tricks the films had shown. Two thumbs up from me.

Last night, Jackko hysteria held sway in London as the self proclaimed King of Pop was scheduled to play his first songs live in 11 years. He was as mad as ever, and even though his fans were the majority of the audience, he did just one verse of Heal the World and three lines of We Are The World. And he revealed that is youngest child might be called Blanket. Which is fine. But, an opportunity missed there to repay his fans' loyalty, and begin a new chapter in his life. Why did we think it would have been any different.

Yesterday, whilst waiting for the tsunami to hit Japan, with live pictures, Fox News announced that it had an interview with OJ and about his book, IF I did it.... Am I alone in thinking this is as creepy, and that shame on the network and publisher on letting him make money off this; either he did it, or not, his children have the right to know, but not like this on what ifs and maybes. At least her we only have to put up with Squire Madonna and her hubby and their plans to close the countryside around their country estate.

Trying to think if I should head to see 007 tomorrow or maybe wait until next week and the fuss has died down. Maybe next week.....

Monday November 20th 2006

Well, it's been quite a few days; and quite where to begin is something.

Well, I had a medical on Friday, and the upshot is the doctor was not happy about my weight, and has said that he will have to put restrictions on my certificate, and it will only be valid for 3 months. It all came as a shock to me, as the company said that weight and fitness would be no problem, in fact a lot of the guys on the boats are big. So, I am still waiting to hear if the medical will be a problem, and whether they will accept me working for them with such restrictions. The upshot of it is that I did not go back to Kent with Jools, and Molly is still here, as it seemed wrong to move her if the job was not a sure thing. If all is well, I am off to Jools's on Thursday, and staying there to help Molly settle in before going on to Southampton for the course. So, our weekend was a little different from what we thought it would be, and we just did some gentle things, did some talking, and just relaxed, as best we could. We went for a long walk beside the sea on Saturday, which is always wonderful, and collected some colourful stones from the low tide mark, and i took some more pictures, which came out well thanks to the wonderful weather. Yesterday, I took Jools back down to London in the car, so she could take the train back home, as the plan was to have driven there in my car.

I feel stunned to be honest; I thought the job was secure, and I had planned to change my whole life for it, and get others to change theirs too. Now, if it not all that secure, I am feeling more than a little let down, but at least I have found out about it now. As to what I will do if the job falls through, I'm not sure, but I think it could involve selling the house and moving to Kent; not ideal, but I am sure as i can be that Jools and I would be happy together, and finding work there should not be too difficult.

Oh, this is not how it was supposed to work out, and it all feels so flat.

20th November 2006

Not quite sure what category this comes under, but music seems to be the best fit. Jools bought me an I-Pod this weekend, and now I am downloading tracks onto it, and realising that it is, in fact, cleverer than me. Connect it to the computer, and watch it take the thing over, closing down all applications it don't like. And then there is the zen-like instructions, that make an Ikea assembly look well written, Talk about minimal! Well, I think I have it sorted now, and just have to work out some playlists; but it looks wonderful, great design, and it just has to work. The fact it takes over 7 minutes to convert WMA files to it's own apple files is annoying, and the fact I have been doing this for some 14 hours now, and still not done. Just glad it's a nano not a 40gig monster. Still, then i will have 2000 songs with me wherever I go. As long as the files are not copyright protected, of course.

For what i am listening to, take it as everything, not now, but if it works, well, could be anything.

21st November 2006

Just finished uploading tunes into i-tunes, and now the i pod is updating itself; it seems to know what it wants, and for now I MUST NOT DISCONNECT; so that's me told! It also seems to have downloaded all the photos from 'my pictures' file, which i did not ask it to do, and it did anyway. It must have liked them. Still waiting to actually hear a song on the i pod, hoping that when it's satisfied with what music I uploaded, maybe we could go for a walk as it's a wonderful day out there, again. Still no news from either the agency or the company about the medical thing; and now I am in a couldn't care less mood to be honest. If it happens; fine, if it don't, I'll find something else.

Sat up late last night drinking wine and eating cheese, and messing with the computer and i pod. Not at my best this morning, which is why I don't drink that much now. Was going to see the new 007 today, but decided to wait in and see if I got an e mail or call about the job; but now I am bored, and need some fresh air, and i think a walk on the marshes could do me good.

22nd November 2006

Hi there; well, it has happened, I passed the medical, or told the guy not to worry, and so i go to Southampton on Sunday for the course; and of course have to take Molly away sometime before that. I guess i am getting used to the idea, as i'm not so cut up about the thought of it. But, it's still going to be hard on Friday morning, when it's time to put her in the basket and load the car. The factt hat this job is changing my life, and the lives of those around me, is really hitting home. But, I think it may be reversable if it does not work out, and I'm sure Molly would bounce back if we moved back here at some point. Jools thinks the deed should be done as soon as possible, as Pat has said she would feed Molly next week, and then we might have some more time together; but it would be avoiding the fact that at some point, I will have to go away. She is even more loving than before, and has slept on my lap all evening, and is so happy with me at home not working. Jools has three cats already, and Molly has never met another cat before; so, it should be interesting at least. At the doctors, i bumped into the guy who owns the chemical commpany, the guy who fired me, and he actually spoke to me, as if he thought I would want to talk to him. Maybe I should, call him a liar in front of his wife, and make him more uncomfortable than he already was. Being a gentleman, or close to it; I ignored him, which I think suited us both fine.

I caught the flu this week; well, that is a bit over dramatic, a clod really; but it still means i can't breathe at night, so it may as well be flu. At least got to the shop today and bought drugs; lots of drugs, and should be fine tonight.

Visited Mother this evening, and it was as traumatic as ever; she has had her living room decorated, and as it is a pointless exercise, I whad to make a point of telling her this. As usual, we sparked off each other, and quietly went into a truce. At least the cold gave me an excuse to leave even quicker than normal. Why did she not have more children to take the dutful sons' duties? Oh, it's a curse being an only child!

23rd November 2006 It may sound a little melodramatic, but it feels like this is the last day of my old life, and tomorrow I drive off into the unknown. Well, it also happens to be true. I have left most of it for the morning, so as I can pretend to myself that Molly is not really going away, and that I will wake up tomorrow, and by some stroke of luck, a job offer will be waiting for me on the mat. Sadly, that just is not going to happen, and although I could delay things until Sunday, I guess, it will just be delaying it.

So, things change, maybe forever; it really feels like that, that I will be leaving this cocoon at home and into the danger, or unknown out there. Life may well go on, but it will never be quite the same again; or that is how it feels.

Caught up on just about all my e mails today, and some I guess i will not be writing to again. All of those i wrote to last week, that group that had lapsed, all did write, and wished me well; and most of them have moved on with their lives as well.

Not sure when I will write again, probably in a week or so; certainly not until next weekend; and by then, all will be different.

24th November 2006

Well, here I am at Jools's, and molly is hiding under the armchair. It broke my heart this morning, and I cried buckets to have to pack her in the box and load it in the car. But, she calmed down, and whilst not quite enjoying it, she was alright about it, and spent most of the trip looking at me driving.

She is not very happy with Jools's three cats, and there was growling and some raised backs; but she has calmed down, and has eaten, and hopefully things will get better for her. Jools's cats are interested in their spitting and hissing new friend, and I hope that with time they will all get on.

So, a couple of days here, before the two hour drive to the centre for the course; then just 5 days and I can either come back here for a day or head home; I will have to go home quite quickly, as I will have a working week to prepare for. It all depends on Molly, really.

This has been so hard; much harder than the ending of either marriage, or even a family funeral. Maybe it's because I'm turning into a crazy cat man. Well, that's ok as I have my own crazy cat lady; so we make a fine pair.

26th November 2006

Well, nearly time for me to go; and Molly is settling in here. Quite how she'll react when I’m not here, only time will tell. But she has been exploring the flat this morning, and is not cowering all the time, which is a good sign. She has made home in the bedroom, and so far we have kept the other cats away, as Molly turns into a snarling, hissing monster when she gets a sight of them.

Went for a walk along the white cliffs this morning, and the sea was very rough, how great it is when there is a storm at sea, and the waves crash against the beach. Although it was windy, the sky was cloudless, and the cliffs shone almost brilliant white in the sunshine.

Just time to have lunch and then hit the road. Lovely pumpkin soup with more of Delia's potato bread. Mmmmmm.