Wednesday 15th May 2019

We all have our breaking point, and I reached mine on Wednesday.

Looking back, I can see I have been, if not depressed, but under pressure for many months, and certainly not happy in work. So bad have things been, that Jools has been very worried, as she could see I was no longer my usual bubbly self, and come the end of the weekend, on the eve of going back to work, be very down, and clearly not sleeping well.

I also see that my temper has been quick to rise, been on an emotional knife edge, prone to nearly crying when discussing the issues I am facing.

I knew things were coming to a head on Wednesday, but I didn't see what eventually happened, happening.

Oh well.

For the first part of the day, I had to travel home. This in a word is part of the issue I have been facing. Travelling to and from Denmark or Germany means I lose half a day of work. Work doesn't stop, the inbox fills, and people are screaming for answers. And once I got home, I have five straight hours of meetings.

When is work expected to be done?

Well, cancelling my vacation seemed to be the way they thought would solve things. Vacation I had booked for six months. There is never a good time to take vacation, and I have been really looking forward to time off, and needed time off for my mental health.

So, we would see what the day would bring.

To make it worse, I was awake at half four, which in the UK is an hour even earlier, so I laid in bed listening to the birds and world outside. I might have dropped back off to sleep. Or not.

The alarm went off at half five, so I am up, got dressed and packed.

Downstairs at six, I check out then go for a quick breakfast of rusks and coffee. And another coffee.

Then load the car and set out on the 50 minute drive to Billund, up the familiar road, stuck in a line of traffic behind a truck, so cruise at 85kmh for the trip.

I arrive, park the car and drop the keys off in the hire company's office, walk to the BA desk and find my colleague, Kurt waiting too. Kurt worked for me on another project, and he is fine, seemed happy to see me anyways.

So we walk to security together, walking and talking, then find a place to sit and he buys me breakfast, the Danish version of sausage roll, where the sausage meat is an actual sausage. A smoked sausage. But pretty good.

We board the flight, I am back in my usual seat, so much happier than being sat beside the toilet as I was on the way out.

And we are off, launching into a clear blue sky, fabulous views across the sea to Holland, passing over the historic island of Heligoland before crossing to the Dutch mainland, striking inland to pass near to Amsterdam.

The pilot comes on the tannoy to tell us that the wind in London is light and from the east, which means an approach for the flight from the west, with fine views of London as we swoop down along the river.

I get the camera out and check it is ready for lots of shooting.

We skirt the south London suburbs, then turn at Crystal palace and Battersea to fly down the river. I take a continuous series of shots that I would add to this post, but Flickr is down, and has been like that for ten hours.

I always enjoy looking down on The City of London, those narrow and twisty medieval lanes and streets, and how modern skyscraping office blocks have been fitted in.

THe flight quickly passes Lloyds, The Gherkin and other major buildings, over the east end and back to the river before getting lower and lower, and we touch down.

Kurt and I part ways, as he has a taxi waiting to whisk him to Littlehampton (fnar), and I have to catch the train back to Stratford and then home.

Bad news was that I missed the early train back, so have to wait until quarter to eleven for the next one.

I go into Westfield, look at a piece of art I was thinking of getting, then find a place to get a coffee. Being a Greek place, they did baklava. I mean I didn't need baklave, but then who does? I order a slice.

And the baklave is super sweet, dripping with honey, but fabulous.

Nom nom nom.....

At half ten, I realise I was late going back to the station for my train, so I scurry back, and am waiting with 5 mnutes to spare, ready for the last leg of the trip.

And back in Dover, i get the first cab in the rank to take me home, up Jubilee Way to the top of the cliffs, all the while in warm sunshine. But I would see none of it, because twenty minutes after getting in, I have four straight hours of meetings ahead.

The rest you know.

I tried to clear the inbox before I end the day. But I am washed out, I feel part betrayed by what has happened. I tried my best, and it wasn't good enough.

I was on holiday.

Jools returned home at quarter to eight, after her yoga session.

I bring her up to date.

Its my side of things, but I think I am being fair. Whatever happens now, we will cope.

Its all a bit overwhelming, and I am left washed out, an empty, empty of feeling anything.

I have no wine of beer with dinner. Instead I have proper tea.

Then watch the Leeds v Derby game, which Leeds were in total control of, thoough only one goal up. And then the Leeds keeper made a mistake, let Derby have their first shot and goal of the tie. And from then on, pretty much all Derby.

Leeds had not conceded more than three goals at home, and that was just the once, to Norwich, but in a bonkers game, Derby win 4-2, 4-3 on aggregate, and Derby go through and Leeds out.

Football, eh?