4820

It was between Christmas and New Year in 1993, once Jools had moved with me into our quarter, that I went to Budapest to meet up with her parents.

Andrea couldn't go due to her status as an illegal alien in Germany, so I went.

We stayed with a family friend in a Soviet era block of flats, overlooked a tram station. Yugoslavia was an hour or two's trvel away, and going through an economic meltdown, but Bela and Priroska wanted the best for their daugher, so I went to collect some gifts and things from the extended family.

We spent the days wandering the frozen streets, trying to spend as little money as possible, as the benefits from being posted to Germany had yet to reach my pay packet. They did treat me to a different ultra sweet but lovely Hungarian cake in a different cafe each day. I spoke no Yogoslavian or Hungarian, they spoke both. They spoke no English, but could understand much, and I could speak some German, so me made ourselves understood.

For new year we caught an early train to the eastern side of the country to Debrecen, to stay with more family fiends and to celebrate New Year. I wish I had more shots of those days, but I ran out of film before we took the train, so have no evidence of being collected from the station in a Trabant, nor the confusing night in an Hungarian bingo hall, as due to Russia having left the country, such fun was now allowed.

I did not win.

I mention this because at one point, Piroska asked me why I loved Andrea. My Dad would have had an expression for it, and did, but I replied that she had captured my heart and made me so happy. Those days when we were living together in Germany and lining our nest, it seemed all we had dreamed of.

But dreams go sour, and we did not live happly ever after. In the summer of 1994, her two cousins from Debrecen came to stay and she wasn't kind to them, and ripped them off in a situation I won't repeat now, but I saw her in a new light. It came to pass I began to realise that I did not like the person I had married.

That is quite a thing.

She was controlling, and the more you gave in, the worse it was.

We struggled on, even went to counselling at one point, but to her it was a game. She admitted to saying what she though the counsellor wanted to hear.

It was crushing.

Then, May Day 1994, not a holiday in German, she ssaid she was going to clal my commanding officer to tell him I had to treat her better. Whether she meant it or not, I don't know.

I had to inform him such a call might be coming. He sat me down and made me tell him all what was happening. He recommended that I move out of the house for a while, to give us space.

I did within the hour.

And I knew that moment I could never go back. The depth of my unhappiness became clear to me. Thatw as quite a thing.

We were to spend Saturdays together, speding quality time going to museums, parks and so on.

The seriousness of the situation still had not sunk in to her. All her talk of when I would move back so I could speak to her parents as they suspected something.

Then one day as we travelled to Venlo by car, she realised after I dodged the question of returning for the thousandth time.

"You're not coming back, are you?"

No. I'm not.

And that was that.

Against the wishes of my superior officers I began divorce procedings, and so Andrea accused me of all sorts of things. I had a key to the house, as I had all my possessions there, but I had to hand it back, but the lies carried on. And so I was sent to another base nearby, and hour away, RAF Bruggen.

All through this the divorce progressed, and over Christmas/New Year 10995, the divorce became absolute.

I forced my posting back to Laarbruch to be back with my friends, as I would not let my ex-wife control my career. My commanding officer took this badly, and killed my career. Which was nice.

I was posted back, and for a few months I lead a fine life with my fellow divorcees, travelling round, drinking, buying records and living it up.

I used to see Andrea round base, as she could not be evicted or deported, as they didn't know whether to use UK or German laws, as no ex-wife had ever refused to move out after a divorce. She ended up with a new lover, they became a couple, married and had a family.

I hope she has found happiness, but as she tried to get with me through my friend James in about 2004, I don't think so.

And then, that April evening, I saw Andrea walking past the barrack block for the last time, a while later the two officers were at my door, knocking to tell me that Dad had died.